Our Journey

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Monday, March 28, 2016

Easter Sunday

Yesterday was a rough day for me. It was Easter Sunday. Easter to me is about family. Being with family, kids running around in the yard hiding and hunting eggs, a big meal. This is how I grew up. But this is not how I spent my Easter day yesterday. 

Yes, we had a very uplifting and worshipful Resurrection service. There was even a rededication from one gentleman. The service started off with praise to God, but then when we had announcements and the pastor mentioned an elite family in the community having just adopting a child from China, my demeanor fell. This family are not members of our church and it really, really hurt my soul to hear this (I had just found out about their adoption 3 days earlier on top of that).

Infertility is a hard road to walk. It is not for the weak. But every time I hear of news like this, I think it breaks me down a little more. I don't know how much more I can bear. People just seeming adopting out of thin air, when we have struggled and fought for over 5 years. 

Thursday, December 31, 2015

Almsot 2016

I have been really slack the last 2 years in my posts. And there are good reasons. My job was driving me crazy, I was not taking care of myself, we have had 3 failed IUI's, nothing was happening in adopting...

2015 hasn't changed much. Although I did find a wonderful job (for me), and started taking some college classes in business. Otherwise, nothing else has changed. I guess it has just evolved along with us. We took breaks from fertility treatments and from trying to adopt, but are now starting back again. Maybe, just maybe, 2016 will be a better year. 

Sunday, February 15, 2015

And 2015 is here full force

It amazes me that it has been well over a year since I last posted. I have been put through so much stress and aggravation over this last year. My job and my fertility being the main stressors.
At this moment in time, we have had 2 failed IUI's and I was all but forced to quit my job in October.
But, you know what? I am in such a better place in my life now. I can focus on me and my family, and not taking care of "the man".

More updates to come.

Sunday, December 29, 2013

Seriously considering becoming a new business owner

The way things have been at work here in the past month or so, really have me considering a new job opportunity (well, kind of new). I am browsing locations and buildings and dreaming of opening my own store.  I think I would enjoy it very much and maybe, eventually I could get my bestie involved.

So, if you would like to help out, let me know.  I want to open a little resale/consignment shop. What do y'all think of the idea? 

Sunday, December 8, 2013

Last week of being 32

So this is my last week of looking at life through 32 year old eyes. I have to say, this has probably been one of, if not the toughest year for me. 
The stresses of life: infertility, adoption, aging parents, work, church... that pretty much sums it up right there. It's not that some people don't know how infertility can effect EVERY aspect of your daily life, it's that some just seem to over look the fact of all I have to deal with. I honestly do not feel the support from those people around me. I have my group of gals that I can talk to, but they are not always available when I am in meltdown mode.  So I had a meltdown last Sunday. 

I love it when people are like "just relax". That is not easy for me. I have an inherited temper. All the women on my dad's side do. Pretty much anything will set us off. Oh, yes, family reunions are fun... 
Then on the other hand, I am very timid in some situations. I can remember on a college chorus trip to Atlanta, trying to get the attention of a smoothie bar employee to order... I stood there, and stood there, like hello, can you not see I am standing here. Finally got ill and walked off. One of my fellow choir members, Zack, asked why I hadn't gotten a drink too. I made up the excuse that I didn't really want one, but he figured out that was not true. He was going to go back and get it for me, but I told him it wasn't worth the trouble and thanked him. 
I remembered that instance Friday night as I stood at a bar trying to order a drink... standing there, not being noticed by the bar tender... again. And I went back to the table and told my girl friend, I couldn't get our drinks ordered. But my feisty little friend waltzed up there and got the job done. So apparently, no matter how old I am, I will always need that one person to stand up for me... until I loose my temper. 


~In memory of Zack~
Thank you for standing up for me.



I have also been reading up on Insulin Resistance as well.  My doctor feels that this is my main issue in PCOS. Here is a little of what I have read.


What is insulin?
Insulin is a hormone made by an organ in the body called the pancreas. The food you eat is broken down into into simple sugar (glucose) during digestion. Glucose is absorbed into the blood after you eat. Insulin helps glucose enter the cells of the body to be used as energy. If there's not enough insulin in the body, or if the body can’t use the insulin, sugar levels in the blood become higher.

What is insulin resistance?
If your body is resistant to insulin, it means you need high levels of insulin to keep your blood sugar normal. Certain medical conditions such as being overweight or having PCOS can cause insulin resistance. Insulin resistance tends to run in families.

What can insulin resistance do to me?
High insulin levels can cause thickening and darkening of the skin (acanthosis nigricans) on the back of the neck, axilla (under the arms), and groin area. In young women with PCOS, high insulin levels can cause the ovaries to make more androgen hormones such as testosterone. This can cause increased body hair, acne, and irregular or few periods. Having insulin resistance can increase your risk of developing diabetes.

Saturday, November 16, 2013

November 2013... still no child has graced our presence

So it's November, the 16th to be exact. And still I sit here (at work, lol) thinking that this year really hasn't accomplished much in our journey. They only thing that has really grown is our "network" so to speak.  We have met and gotten to know so really sweet people this year! When I look back and see these amazing people that God placed in our path, I realize that He has our backs. It may not be what we want. And I may pitch a tantrum when I "don't get my way" in all this, but it's all in His control. Saying that... it isn't any easier. LOL

Thank you to everyone who has taken time to share their stories with us and just loved us through this year. 

In recent news, a former classmate of mine recommended that I look in to the Trim Healthy Mama lifestyle change/diet. Of course I looked at their webpage (http://trimhealthymama.com) and the went directly to Pinterest to look for/at the recipes. Last night, I broke down and purchased the ebook. Hopefully I can learn and use their great information! 

OH! We did have a "well woman" visit with our RE. Everything there came back good. She was very impressed with my weigh loss over this summer, and told me to keep at it. (I had lost 23 pounds, but hate to say I've gained about 5 back since this cold weather has moved in! Not fun to walk outside in freezing temps. BUT I got my birthday/Christmas present to myself this week. An elliptical. Yay! Now, just to force myself into using it! ha ha)

So, I will start to make my goal list for 2014.
1-Use that elliptical!
2-Watch what I am eating!
3-Loose at least 20 more pounds!

I know I will think of more later.

Thursday, August 15, 2013

Hold up & back where you came from

So I think that we are ready to go back towards using the fertility specialist. 

We had our one year review of our home study and we are just not ready to step in to the world of fostering yet. Apparently that's the only way you are "guaranteed" (and I use that loosely) a younger child through the state. 

The time is coming for me to have my yearly exam with the all lovely Pap, and I'm just going to make this year's appointment with our Specialist. She had told us before that many of their patients come for this as well. So, I'm going to do that and just have a follow up visit as to what is definately our next step in all this mess. 

Hopefully in a few months we will have good news to share!

Thursday, July 4, 2013

Cookin'

Been a while since I've posted. And I can't really say anything new has happened in our journey.
But I did want to post this. Ewave.tv is a new online tv network. My gal from Alabama, Ashton Shepherd, has just launched her very own cooking show, called Cookin' Country.... and here it is. :)


http://www.ashtonshepherd.com/cookincountry.html

Monday, April 1, 2013

Some days I feel like an orphan

The title pretty much says it all. It is a very true statement for me. Some days I feel like an orphan. And kind of, technically, I halfway am. 

I often wonder what my life would have been like if I hadn't lost my mom and my granny when I was 5. Would I be closer to people I really barely know? Would I be less messed emotionally? Would I know more about my infertility? 

What's gotten to me here lately is everyone, I mean EVERYONE, here where we live seems to be kin or married-in! I keep asking people to adopt me, but I haven't had any takers yet. But who wants a 32-year old, right?!

Thursday, March 7, 2013

February & March Update

Man, it's been a while since I posted! Whoops! Well, here goes!

On the medical front, I went to the new Breast Cancer doctor. She was really nice and was interested in my family history. My fertility doctor wanted me to get the BRCA gene test, but the BC doc didn't think it was the right time. And since I only had one family line that BC. She wants to keep an eye on me but wants me to have all the babies I want... Well, yeah, that's why we started going to the fertility specialist.

Then I had my HSG test just this Tuesday. This is a dye and x-ray test that checks your fallopian tubes to make sure they are not blocked. I was told that I had a beautiful anatomy & everything looked great, no blockages. Whew! That is good news!! The test didn't hurt, just a little pinching as she inserted the tube and an awkward feeling of fullness when the dye filled me. It's hard to explain really. 

On the adoption front, we received a call from our social worker Tuesday as well... Tuesday was just a day for us, I'm telling ya!  She wanted us to come in for a quick visit and discuss some things with us. Mainly, just wanted to check and see how we were and what new things were happening with us. But also for us to consider "mentoring" a child. Basically, we would be like a big brother/big sister or aunt & uncle type. Take the kid out to experience things he/she might not otherwise get to take part in. This would also help the child build connections with people outside the foster (or eventually adoptive) family that they can carry with them down the road in their lives. We still have to discuss it some more. But it would be a very good thing. 

Oh! And if you have noticed my weight loss ticker  over there >>>, you see that I have now lost 18 pounds since January 10th!! Last week I had 3 people at work ask me if I have lost weight or ask how much I have lost. I still can't SEE it, but I am back in jeans I haven't worn in at least 3 years, which is a good thing. 

So that's about it! Until next time, much love...