Christmas 2012 and looking ahead to 2013

It's the day after Christmas, and I am sitting here at our computer sipping my coffee with a orange tabby kitten asleep on the desktop. My husband is still in bed asleep. I think about this last week of hustling and bustling around trying to make sure I had all the ingredients bought for the dishes I planned to make for our two Christmas celebrations, one with my dad and the other with the in-laws. I made it through. 
Last year, I can't say I made it as easily. I was pretty much an emotional wreck. We had just finished our GPS classes for DHR and were working on our home study paperwork. I was so yearning for a little girl that stole my heart... but Christmas day came... and went... New Year's came... and went... and 2012 came and is almost gone and our family still has missing pieces. 
Since Summer of 2011, we have inquired on 7 children (if I am remembering them all). And it has taken us until November 2012 to get our CPR class in (of which we have not gotten our official cards yet). I honestly don't know where this crazy road of trying to adopt from the state is going... to me, all it seems to be is dead-end after dead-end. That is why I am so happy that we are going to at least go see the fertility specialist in January. I'm keeping my fingers crossed...

CPR... check!

Well, we have now made it successfully through our CPR class, which was the last official step left in our home study process. We still do not have any prospects towards adoption, but are still somewhat hopeful.

Back to CPR... We not only learned the lasted CPR technique but also learned how to basically use an AED (automatic external defibulator) and basic First Aid.
I had to laugh at Kim & I when we tried to learn the CPR on the baby dummy. Oh, yeah, you could so tell who had never had a baby! lol I think we "killed" that poor baby doll.

So that's about it. But it's one more step down. 

November Update

It has been roughly 4 weeks since my last post.  Well, we do not know anything more than we did last time!  If this had been a job interview, and we were in the running, we would have gotten a call saying "We are sorry to inform you, you didn't get the job." WE HAVE NOT HEARD ANYTHING! We assume that this young lady was "placed" with her current FPs because they were also interested in adopting her. 

Things have gotten totally out of hand for us. I honestly think that this was the Last straw. We decided that we are going to visit a Fertility Specialist after the first of the year. Ironically, at the end of last week we got a letter saying that CPR classes are FINALLY being held in our county. We are going to take them, so we will be "officially official". 

No news on the adoption front

So another week has come and gone. This was the 3rd week in October out of 4 1/2. Why am I keeping up? Because there is supposed to be a very special meeting sometime during this month of October. A meeting that will decide the fate of one child. And in our case, one can assume that no news, is not good news. 
I got anxious Wednesday night and did a whole USA search on AdoptUSkids.org. Not all states participate, but a lot do. I saw a few children that I would inquire about if we were "allowed". They are not in our state, and we have to wait 6 months after our home study was approved before we can attempt to transfer it to another state... we are only 3 months out. So I requested info from those states, of their requirements, etc. 

I kind of do, and kind of don't understand why your home study can only be active in one state at a time. You would think that they want to find these children the best home for them regardless of what state. And once adoption takes place would that not free up state money from that child to be able to put towards another?

I had a really sweet lady from the Baptist Children's Home email me back the next day. If I had the whole "home study" thing to do over again, I would definately go through our local United Methodist Children's Home. I found out way to late that they did home studies. They seemed to me like they cared more. I know that the state has the children's best interest in mind, but what about me? Who's looking out for me?

Looking forward

So there have been several things in the news lately that really bother me. One, being teen Amanda Todd, committing suicide after being bullied. That is just not right. What are people teaching their kids? Oh, wait, they are not "teaching" them! More children are being raised by grandparents and step parents, etc. than ever. More parents are wanting to be their kids 'friend' instead of parent. 
And two, is the 14 year old Pakistani girl, Malala Yousafzai, who spoke out against the Taliban and was shot for standing up for education for women. I stop and think more and more often 'where is this world going?' And then answer myself 'to Hell in a handbasket'. 

I wish I was able to protect children. I don't think any child should go with out feeling that kind of love, love of a parent. 

My goals for 2012? Well, I want to be a better friend. I want to be in a group or class of people my own age that talks openly about stuff, whether that be in a Sunday school setting or women's group, etc. I feel very left out sometimes. I know I am missing something in that area of fellowship. 
I want to be able to meet someone and introduce them to my son or daughter! But that is a goal that I may not be able to attain. 

So I'm just living day by day, trying to figure all this out. 

What's new... not a lot.

So what's been happening lately... um, really not much. 
I finally broke down and bought some St. John's Wort to help my crazy moods. Started taking that Sunday afternoon. So far I've had crazy dreams (which is normal for me), really energized Tuesday of cleaning, and a kind of normal blah Wednesday. I've also started back on gummy vitamins (Vitafusion Gummyvites).  

Really other than that, nothing of substance. 

Being a Mama Bird: being protective & seeing a need

Isn't it funny how you just feel protective of certain people? Those who seem to always get picked on or those who never seem to catch a break. I am. I can be very protective of others. Then again, there are those than I can turn away from, but they aren't the ones that need someone to stand up for them, are they? 

I had one such experience over the past week. I ran across a young lady that I had met almost 10 years ago and we started telling each other about our lives now. (She is now a mother of 2.) But she was telling me that they are just in a tight spot right now, the seasons are changing and her babies need warmer clothes since it's been getting a little chilly. This weighed on my heart for a few days and I finally couldn't help myself anymore. I asked her if she minded me picking some things up for them. Yesterday I got to see my heart's work. I dropped off the few long-sleeved shirts and little pants to her, and as she looked over the pieces, joy filled my heart and I could tell that we were both a little emotional. She told me that she appreciated this very, very much and gave me a big hug. This girl is one of my baby birds, that I feel the overwhelming need to keep an eye out for her. 

But then a thought comes in to my mind. That is what we are supposed to do for others. That is how we should be living. That is how the church should be working. Seeing after the widows, orphans, and those less-fortunate than ourselves, those who are hungry and thirsty, those who need clothed*. And I have to ask, am I doing that? Is my church doing that? What more could we do to make a difference, even a small difference? 
I think that is also one reason why we chose to go the adoption route, to think that there are children out there who are in desperate need of love and a family. 


* "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." James 1:27 NIV

"For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in..." Matthew 25:35 NIV

Fertility, herbal suppliments, & inquiries

I want to start off first by telling you a little about my "fertility" situation. 
After coming off the birth control pill, I was not having a period. I thought that maybe after a couple of months things would get back to normal. Well, they did not. So after 4 months I made an appointment with my doc. He prescribed me Provera to make me have a period each month. I took it, and I did have a period, but I felt it wasn't a "good" period for me.  *I know some of you may not see it my way here, but just bear with me.* The med-induced period was light (for me) and short. My breasts also got very, very sore and tender during this time as well. Where as pre-birth control, they rarely were sore during my cycle. 

I did not like the feeling of this not being normal! So I did a little research and found a very nice company with a good reputation that sold herbal supplements. At first I just took there Daily Women's vitamin mix (femme Defense). It did help me to feel better. So I quit taking my Provera and tried the herbal supplements HB formula and T&C Formula, which is supposed to cleanse and tone up your womanhood. And guess what! I had what I knew was a "normal" period back!  And although I am still not ovulating all if any of my cycles, I am having a period! So this is a small victory! I haven't taken a Provera in over a year and have not taken any of the herbs in at least 8 months! Yay!

Okay, so as the title reads this is also about Inquires, as in our home study has been approved and we can make information inquiries on some of the children that appear at HeartGalleryAlabama.com. And we have done so. We have put in a total of four different inquiries, and have heard back on three of them, and one of those we are waiting on more info. Our social worker says we are doing the right thing by making these info requests, but it all just seems so, what's the word... lengthy. I am a little impatient. It's one of my character flaws. So when I have more info, I will post, but until then we keep looking & inquiring. :)

Hand it over!

Well, first of all I am posting a prayer that I just saw on my friend Meg's blog (Go and Tell)...

"Let ____________ dwell in the shelter of the Most High and rest in the shadow of the Almighty. Be his refuge, his fortress, his covering, his shield. Do not let him fear the terror of the night, nor any type of plague or sickenss. Do not let any harm or disaster come near _____________________. Command your angels to guard him in all his ways and keep him from hurting himself. When he calls on you, answer him. Be with him in trouble; deliver him and honor him. Satisfy _______________ with long life and show him your salvation."

Today is apparently the day that the Lord is just gonna show me stuff... since I'm stuck at work & can't make it over to His house today. He has already spoken to me (shouted, really) through Joel Osteen this morning, on 2 different occasions.
First, I see this on Twitter:

         @JoelOsteen--No matter how long it's been, no matter how impossible it looks, 
           if you'll stay in faith, your time is coming.

Then I'm scrolling through the channel guide on the tv and see that Bro. Osteen is on... this is the topic.

          #548-Make Room for Increase! Key verses are Matthew 9:29 & Isaiah 60:1... basically don't set 
          limits on God, He can do so much more!

I am so guilty. Especially in this adoption journey. I want I want, when I want it, and don't give it over the Lord, when I know I should. He can do so much more with what we have, if we will just hand it over. 
Ugh... now to put that in to practice...

The Girl In The Window -- A Story of Adoption

The Girl In The Window

Spring Break?

So today is the first day of "Spring Break" for Kim, and what's he going to do? Go to school and work. Ha ha Well, I don't get a Spring Break from my job, so at least he can get some things caught up before his students come back.
I don't have an update about our home study, because there is nothing new. Absolutely nothing, no news whatsoever. Ugh. I am still frustrated about the whole deal. At first (when we started in Sept.) I was hoping to be finished by Christmas. Then as Christmas came and went I was hoping to be finished by March... Well, now I just hope we are approved by the end of the school year. Then maybe we can get an inquiry approved during the summer and maybe, possible have a placement by the new school year.  Maybe, but I doubt it.

I was off from work all weekend... but I went in to catch up with Amber twice on Saturday. It's like I don't know what to do with myself.  I probably should have been at home doing laundry or dishes or cleaning. But Kim was playing golf and I was just 'there'.  I think this is going to be one interesting, long summer.

 ~A~

Things Looking Up

So the primary elections have come and gone. Thankfully for us, the school sales tax was voted to remain for 2 more years and there will be some new faces in the local offices. That really means a sigh of relief for me. I know that the worst is still possible, but at this point doesn't look probable.

This has been a very stressful week for me at work. I guess you win some and loose some. Sometimes I just have to think, "what in the crap were they thinking?"! People do some stupid stuff.

All old memories are not necessarily pleasant

So this week I've been catching up with some high school friends of mine, talking about families, jobs, etc., and Old Times.  The last time I was hanging out with both of these girls is a time period that I have honestly tried to forget about. We have all been in situations that we wish we could take back or cover up, yeah, this is one of mine. Don't get me wrong, it has nothing to do with these gals! It has to do with the relationship I was in at the time and how our friendships intertwined with our relationships. Oh how I thought I was "in love"! Bahahahaha. I was "in" something alright! Anyway, it ended badly and I was totally and utterly crushed... for about 3 to 6 months. It's hard for me to look over the bad times, and find the good ones because all those memories are intermingled.


One of my struggles as of late is the fact that I feel like I need to interact with more people my age, aka, I feel like I'm not getting all the nutrition I need from my spiritual diet. I love love love my church family, but I am the only one over 18 and under 40 in attendance on a regular basis. I miss my class in my pre-marriage church where there were 4 or 5 people my age and we had discussions about our lessons! I miss talking with people my age about stuff people my age are going through, like kids and jobs!
The bad thing is I've been having these feelings for about 2 years. I really want to visit somewhere that meets at a different time than our church, so I can still attend and be able to fulfill my role as music leader.
But I also have a huge fear of going to places where I don't know anyone or know my way around. I can go to Talladega Superspeedway all by myself on race day and it not bother me, because I know my way around, but someplace I've never been, and I clam up big time!

Any suggestions?

Alabama Primary Elections... what it means for Kim's job

We've been under a lot of stress and riding the emotional roller coaster over the past 10 months. Although things have calmed down and smoothed out some since then, we are about to be taken on a ride yet again.

Next Tuesday is the Primary Elections in Alabama. It's a big deal in Cherokee County this time. There are many candidates running for office, which is totally awesome. My college American Government professor Ms. Cheryl Gorham would be proud at all the people that are taking an interest in the voting process!

But the main things that are weighing on my mind are:
     1) Who will get the nominations for Board of Education Superintendent?
     2) Will the Continuation of the 1cent Sales Tax for the schools get passed?

Are you wondering why I am concerned about these? Last July our world was turned upside down. The Board of Education voted to close the Career/Tech school where Kim worked and to close him program, basically fire him, and 2 others, as part of a cost cutting measure. Part of this was made possible by State legislation saying that 'BOE's had the right to dismiss teachers if they were "bad teachers" even if they were tenured.' That means that if they think you're not up to par, they can get rid of you.

Thankfully the citizens of this county were outraged, mainly because they were not informed of even the possibility of the school closing as a cost-cutting tool, and the County Commission came to the rescue with the emergency 1 cent sales tax to make up the revenue difference that the state budget cuts had caused, starting this whole process. The school was kept open, employees that were "fired" got their jobs back, BUT those who worked more than 9 months a year would have to be cut 1 month's pay. We personally took a several thousand dollar a year loss.

Around this time is also the time we found out about our infertility issues. Needless to say, last summer was not a fun time for the Nichols.  So, it is a very real possibility that this mess could rise up like the tail of a scorpion and strike again.  If worse comes to worst, Kim has a great Career/Tech background. He can go to work in any Body Shop immediately. He can find a job, unlike some of the core academics teachers out there. We are praying that God has His mighty hand on this county and these election, and will watch out for our little family. 

Sunday morning service about United Methodist Children's Home

This morning was a very special morning at our church. We had the PR rep from the United Methodist Children's Home come and speak with us about their ministries. Ms. Cherry Johnson was very informative as she told us about the Group Homes the UMCH sponsors. We learned that the UMCH works with DHR in efforts to do what is absolutely best for the children.

One thing that kept popping up in her presentation was how the UMCH encourages the kids to further their education, in either college or a Technical program. It seems so funny to me how everything can just intertwine like that. It seems that our weekend has been full of supporters for Career Tech Education. Thankfully!

I cannot wait until I have a child that Kim and I can show how to do stuff! Like how to play golf, how to work on cars, how to look after our animals, etc. I wish the day would come soon!

Ugh....really?

I feel really depressed right now. I want a child so much. It really hurts my soul every time I see the pictures my cousins or classmates post of their babies. Although I am happy for them, it still makes me envious.  Why has it been so easy for them?  My hairdresser said they were trying not to get pregnant when they did. Everyone says, "it will happen when it's supposed to". Hello people! We are not getting any younger!

Like I read in an article, I am going through the grieving process.  It's a looooong road for me.  Some days I'm fine. Some days it hits me like a tons of bricks.  So please be sensitive to my feelings when you are bragging on your bundle of joy, because I don't have one.

Home Study

It seems to me that this whole process is taking forever. We started this journey through DHR at the end of August 2011, and still do not have a completed Home Study.  Of course the first two months were spent in the GPS/Deciding Together class. But I am still frustrated that it's taking so long just to get the Home Study written and it still has to be sent to Montgomery for approval! Prayers are definately needed.